Malek Musings
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Practice Being Thankful - You Might Feel Better!

11/21/2014

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image credit: http://sandiegofreepress.org
Thanksgiving Day is next week.  While the focus seems to be on food, football, family, and shopping it is also a time when we are encouraged to take a moment to "Give Thanks" for what we have.  Everyone's situation is unique with differences in wealth, health and life situations, but framed within one's "life" there surely are things to give thanks for. 

The practice of being "thankful" actually has healthful benefits. 
Studies support the idea that people who practice thankfulness as part of their life experience positive health benefits.  Robert Emmons, a Univeristy of California at Davis psychology professor, states that his research found that those adopting an "attitude of gratitude" as a life strategy are healthier.

Lisa Aspinwall, a psychology professor at the University of Utah, suggests that grateful people may be more likely to:
  • take better care of themselves physically and mentally
  • engage in more protective health behaviors and maintenance
  • get more regular exercise
  • eat a healthier diet
  • have improved mental alertness
  • schedule regular physical examinations with their doctor
  • cope better with stress and daily challenges
  • feel happier and more optimistic
  • avoid problematic physical symptoms
  • have stronger immune systems
  • maintain a brighter view of the future
Sound good, eh?  Want to know how to get started?  Here's some steps to follow:


  • Focus your attention outward - Those more aware of the positives in their lives tend to focus their attention outward.
  • Be mindful of what you have - You have heard this before, I am sure.  Having "stuff" and "money" does not ensure happiness.  It's not "what" you have that brings you happiness, it's how you feel about what you have that makes the difference.
  • Journaling - Writing about things you are grateful for will help you to focus on the positive things in life.  Daily journaling is more effective than weekly journaling.  The writing process actually focuses your awareness and will help you to view your life more optimistically.
  • "Framing" in the Positive vs. Negative - Learning to mentally "flip the switch" from a negative perspective to positive outlook helps your attitude and keeps you from focusing on the negative things.  Try to find positives, even in situations you perceive as negative.
No one really has a "perfect" life.  Even people we view as highly successful and having it all, seem to still be "incomplete" and some even engage in behaviors that "throw all that success" out the window.  Some people just don't seem to appreciate what they have (and that measure is different for different people).

I've been trying to appreciate the goodness in my life more.  Living is not so much about what I don't have, but to enjoy what I do have!  And when you think about it, there must be things you appreciate and are grateful for.  It doesn't have to be things that are material and tangible in nature.  It can be experiences, relationships, actions etc.

Personally, I am grateful for a variety of things:


  • I have my family and people I care about in my life.
  • I have treasured friends who value our relationship.
  • I have my pets that give me joy and I am grateful to be able to give my pets a good, happy life.
  • I have the ability and freedom to live as I wish and to do things that I enjoy.
  • I have my faith in God and a Church I am active in.
  • I am able to help others in need and make a difference in their lives.
  • I have creative talents, the ability to try and to learn new things that bring me joy.  I am also able to share these talents with others and bring them happiness.
  • I don't have everything I "want" but I have what I "need", and for that I am grateful.

That's just a partial list.  I'll bet that once you start your grateful list, you will be amazed at the goodness in your life.  Take the first step to feeling better.



http://www.healthline.com/health/depression/giving-thanks#2

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/science-thankfulness/story?id=15008148


http://www.webmd.com/women/features/gratitute-health-boost
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Holiday Traditions - Feeling Stressed?

11/18/2014

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Picture
image credit: cleanmama.net
We've had our first measurable snowfall last night.  A bit early for us, but such is Mother Nature.  We've passed Halloween and the holiday advertising has been going strong since then.  Thanksgiving is just a week and a half away, and then the sprint is on to "The Holiday Season".  Sneak peeks and formal releases of doorbuster and Thanksgiving weekend sales are already available for pre-shopping views.  In many cases, pre-Thanksgiving sales are in full swing.  Of course, there is the controversial concept of stores being open for business on Thanksgiving, which was a topic of an earlier Musing.

Regardless of how you celebrate the holidays, be it a religious connection or simply a seasonal holiday, there's so much that is connected to celebrations during this time.  I have heard so many people fretting over not being ready and having so much to do and not enough time.  There's agonizing over gift lists, finding just the right item, and of course shopping for the best deals.  That means charging into crowds of humanity and elbowing your way through the shopping frenzy.  Some love this excitement, some do not.  Another option is to join the cyber crowds, and shop online.  There's cleaning, decorating, sending cards, cooking, baking, travel, attending holiday parties and celebrations.  It can be a very busy time, and in many cases too busy!

Holidays are often connected with "traditions".  Traditions can be deeply meaningful, or done just because it's always been done and some are obligatory in nature, but not really enjoyable.  If you find yourself going through the holiday grind and feeling stressed year after year, maybe it's time to stop and evaluate your holiday schedule and activities.  Perhaps it's time to change what you've been doing.

It's important to stop and acknowledge any holiday stress you may be experiencing.  It helps to evaluate and identify the sources of stress.  There is a story that is easily found on the internet.  You may have already heard it but it goes like this:

A teenager was watching her mother prepare a roast for their holiday dinner. The mother first cut off each end of the roast. “Why?” asked the inquisitive daughter. The mother explained that the best tasting roast always has the ends sliced off first before cooking. The daughter challenged why cutting the ends off made the roast taste better. The exasperated mother replied, “Grandma taught me to do it that way, and everyone has always thought your grandma made the best roast ever. Maybe she can tell you why.”

Later when the grandmother came over for dinner, the teen asked her why cutting the ends off the roast made it taste better. The grandma said, “Honey, cutting off the ends of the roast doesn’t make the roast better, I cut the ends off because I didn’t have a pan big enough to cook a whole roast!”

The point of this story is that there are many traditions that we carry on, that at one time, had a purpose and meaning.  Over time, the reason may become unimportant, but the habit simply continues.  Habits that are rich with tradition and meaning are good to continue, as they have an important significance to your life.   However, there are other habitual traditions, perhaps devoid of the meaning they once held,  that are worth re-evaluating.  If they are no longer meaningful, no longer purposeful, and lack significance, you may benefit from "de-cluttering" your holiday experience.  Hopefully doing that reduce the pressure on you and alleviate some of your stress.

I've been evaluating holiday habits for sometime.  It's been a process that I've been doing over many years.  I've chosen to keep some habits and have chosen to eliminate or modify others.    I've even added new ones over time. 

What have I done to de-stress vs. distress over the holidays?  There's been some changes that have helped me in many ways.  My personal changes have been to stop baking lots of Christmas cookies.  Now I bake for what I need at the time, and it's not always cookies that I prepare.  Cookies that I do choose to bake are often less complicated and easier to prepare.  I've reduced my Christmas card list, opting to send cards to select people that I want to keep in touch with but don't see that often (for a variety of reasons).  I also try to include a  note with cards to stay connected and make it personal.  I've simplified and reduced my gift list.  I don't give many gifts and I don't really desire or expect gifts.  I try to be practical by gifting cash or gift cards so the recipient is able to buy exactly what they want, and maybe even get a better deal than I could before the holidays!  Easier for me!  No fighting the holiday crowds, no impulse buying or overbuying and no worries about having to return something.  I have scaled down my decorating too.  More is not better, and I've reduced the depressing burden of having to put it all away when the holidays are over.  To me, less is more when it's meaningful and special to me.  When it seems like work, it's time to re evaluate!  I have favored items that I decorate with and I feel no less in the holiday spirit than if I would have gone over the top with lights, garland, nicknacks and a loaded Christmas tree

Christmas has a strong religious connection for us, and we have added singing in our church choir to our traditions.  It's a family affair for us now, with 3 members of my immediate family now active members of the choir.  We also sing in a pre-Christmas concert.  Family holiday meals have been pot luck, helping to make meal preparation and entertaining less stressful and easier on the budget.  I also don't feel obligated to attend every event I am invited to.  Sometimes I will say thank you for the invitation, but I will be unable to attend.  Just do what feels right for you!

Some might say I'm being a Grinch.  But for my family and I, it's been a gradual change and it seems to be a good fit for us.  The major point of this Musing is that we should enjoy our holidays and participate in traditions that have a purpose or meaning to us.  What we do or not do is unique to us as individuals.  We should be careful that we do not get caught up in the obligations and practices that can unnecessarily take the fun out of the season.  Don't sprint to the holidays!  Pace yourself and take time to embrace and enjoy the holidays the way you really want to.

Here are some links with additional ideas and things to consider.

http://www.cleanmama.net/2013/12/simplify-the-season-change-the-tradition.html

http://www.virginia.edu/lifetimelearning/health/201212.pdf

http://www.exquisite-minds.com/idea-of-the-week/reducing-holiday-stress-2/

http://christmas.organizedhome.com/reality-check/ten-ideas-stress-free-holiday-season






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Black Thursday - Is It Really A Good Idea?

11/14/2014

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source: washingtonpost.com
Here we go!  The race begins towards Christmas, and the ritual of holiday shopping is beginning.  Traditionally, Black Friday had been the official start of the shopping frenzy, with stores opening earlier and earlier to lure shoppers in for "specials" and "door busters".  Bleary eyed but energized shoppers poured into stores in the wee hours to shop and sometimes battle for deals.  People even start lining up outside the stores days in advance, marking their places with lawn chairs and tents, so they can be first through the doors when the stores open.  It amazes me that people do this.  It's COLD in some areas where this is happening.  Is getting "stuff" really that important??

You must have seen the videos that appear every year.  Pushing, shoving, knocking each other down, and fighting over "must have" merchandise.  It can get ugly.  Employees must fear for their own safety seeing those masses of people charging at them.  Sometimes entry doors get broken, displays are trashed and people get knocked down and trampled.  The lucky employees at least have a counter to "protect" them. I wonder if shoppers really need  those products or not.  Is it the mob frenzy mindset taking over and driving their actions?  Once shoppers have grabbed what's available, it's time to stand in long, snaking lines at the check out.  Some people thrive on this excitement, saying it's all part of the holiday spirit.  Others (like me) having experienced the insanity one time too many, vow never to be part of that chaos again.  I have no desire to be surrounded by rude, aggressive and greedy people.

Thanksgiving Day is a holiday celebrated as a time for us to pause and give thanks for the good things we enjoy in our lives such as family, friends, health, jobs, food, freedom, football and more. Some people choose give back to the community and volunteer their time at soup kitchens or donate money/items to food banks.  The holiday's origins trace back to
the “first Thanksgiving,” however, it was neither a feast nor a holiday, but a simple gathering. Following the Mayflower’s arrival at Plymouth Rock on December 11, 1620, the Pilgrims suffered the lost of 46 of their original 102 colonists. With the help of 91 Indians, the remaining Pilgrims survived the bitter winter and yielded a bountiful harvest in 1621. In celebration, a traditional English harvest festival, lasting three days brought the Pilgrims and natives to unite in a “thanksgiving” observance. (allabouthistory.org)  In modern times, it is still tradition to gather around the table (at home or at a restaurant) to enjoy a feast to celebrate our bountiful lives and to strengthen our bonds with those in our lives who are important to us.  This holiday is one of the busiest travel days of the year as people travel, sometimes great distances, to come together. 

Traditionally, retailers were closed on Thanksgiving.  Black Friday was the first day of traditional Christmas shopping, during which crowds of consumers are drawn in to take advantage of special offers by retailers.  “Black” refers to stores moving from the “red” to the “black,” back when accounting records were kept by hand, and red ink indicated a loss, and black a profit.

Things have changed over time. 
Now, "Black Friday" has turned into "Black Thursday".  Holiday shopping creep has moved into Thanksgiving Day with retailers now opening their doors to shoppers on Thanksgiving.  Of course, this means their employees no longer have the day off to celebrate the holiday.  Reaction to this change has been mixed.  Shoppers are showing up, but does this really mean they actually approve of this practice, or are they simply being manipulated by retailers who are trying to utilize as much time as possible prior to Christmas to boost their sales and profits?  Black Thursday may now be the new "norm" but are shoppers really "choosing" to shop that day or are they simply "responding" to retailer induced changes? 

A survey by consulting firm Accenture found that 45 percent of Americans planned to shop on Turkey Day, up from 38 percent last year. And most shoppers had few qualms about leaving the holiday dinner table: 32 percent of shoppers said they would avoid brick-and-mortar stores on Thanksgiving because it would interfere with family time, down from 41 percent last year. (wsj.com)

Ironically, Black Friday isn't necessarily the best day to snag the best prices.  Instead, retailers’ biggest price cuts last year came on the Monday before Thanksgiving, and shoppers who bought items on Thanksgiving Day snapped up the season’s lowest prices, according to Adobe.  The weeks before the Black Friday weekend offered better deals than the weeks leading up to Christmas.  What’s more, those who shopped on Black Friday were more likely to find items out of stock.  In addition, more shoppers are moving towards making their purchases on line. (wsj.com)

This year, some retailers have decided NOT to open on Thanksgiving, and are promoting their decision to do so.  It's no longer notable when a retailer says it will stay open on Thanksgiving Day. Instead, it makes headlines when one says it's going to close.  The moves to make Thursday the new Black Friday has drawn petitions, boycotts and plenty of questions about worker fairness and the effect on employee morale. It's also unclear whether the holiday openings will even help these stores in the long run. Though some data has shown an upside, retail consultants have warned that Thanksgiving sales could just cannibalize purchases that would have happened on Friday. (washingtonpost.com)

What are you going to be doing on Thanksgiving?  Eat, relax and enjoy the day with those you love?  Or are you going to eat and run....to the store?

http://online.wsj.com/articles/when-to-snag-the-best-holiday-deals-1415569005

https://blackfriday.com/pages/black-friday-history

http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/on-leadership/wp/2014/10/28/in-keeping-with-its-values-costco-to-close-on-thanksgiving/

http://newsroom.accenture.com/news/us-consumers-plan-to-increase-holiday-spending-this-year-supported-by-greater-optimism-about-personal-finances-accenture-study-finds.htm

http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/business/wp/2014/11/12/how-giving-workers-the-day-off-for-thanksgiving-became-a-retailer-promotional-scheme/
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"Tiny Houses" - An Attractive Living Alternative For Some

10/29/2014

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Tiny home mounted on trailer base. Image credit: tumbleweedhouses.com
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Tiny home on permanent foundation. Image credit: tumbleweedhouses.com
It seems that newspapers and magazines often feature and promote living in luxury "dream homes".  It's not hard to find photos of spacious, beautifully decorated examples of housing.  How can you not experience....<sigh> "house envy"?   Who wouldn't want to live in a beautiful, big home with creature comforts like a gourmet kitchen, tall ceilings, theater room, designer bathrooms, wine cellar and groomed grounds with fountains, swimming pools, hot tubs and outdoor kitchens?  Pinch yourself back to reality.  How to pay for that? How to pay for the upkeep?  How environmentally wasteful is living this lifestyle and how does it align with your personal beliefs?

Of course, there are those that live this lifestyle because of their particular circumstances and desires. However, luxury living is but a dream for others.  Most people are just trying to find a job, keep a job, or find a job that can provide enough to make ends meet.  It's a natural desire to live comfortably and to be able to have things that you really want.  Luxury homes look great but are out of reach for many.

Most of us know about the housing crisis of years past, but its residual effects are still being felt. 
Potential buyers are delaying entry into the housing market for a variety of reasons.  With foreclosures in their lending history,  people are finding it difficult to get mortgages.  Lenders have tightened up their lending policies in general.  In addition, debt, job loss, or reduction in earnings have restricted people from taking on additional costs of home ownership.  Some are reluctant to buy because they need "mobility" to be able follow jobs to other areas of the country.  And for some, owning a home and assuming the responsibilities of home ownership are just not appealing or important to them.

There is a growing interest in a different housing option,that is quite different than traditional home ownership.  Enter "Tiny Houses".  These tiny homes are compact, often measuring less than 300 sq ft, but some are available in larger size.  Minimalist living does not necessarily mean sacrifice.  Simpler living and freedom from crushing expenses can actually lead to a fuller, happier life for some.  Occupants of these houses tend to be committed to less restrictive, less costly, less cluttered and environmentally friendly living.

Tiny houses are built on trailer platforms although some are permanent structures.  Even though they are compact, they offer lots of features found in typical homes.  Depending on the size of the tiny home and how it is designed, at the very least you will find the following:

A compact kitchen with counter, smaller refrigerator/freezer, microwave and oven/stovetop. 
Great Room 
Full bath with a shower. 
Sleeping area(s) often located in a loft. 
Closet(s) and cabinets
Porch

You can purchase plans to build your own or buy them prefabricated.  There are many sites dedicated to Tiny Home living and many manufacturers of plans and structures, both permanent and mobile.

I have some experience with minimalist living for extended periods of time.  As a family of 4, we have traveled throughout the country in a 24 ft travel trailer, later upgrading to a 28 ft trailer with a slide out.  One trip lasted 4 weeks with a family of 4 in the 24 ft. trailer.  We had no problems sharing the smaller space.  We had creature comforts: a kitchen with gas stove/oven, microwave, double sink, full bath with shower and bathtub. Queen bed in a separate bedroom, sleeper sofa and dinette.  We had a covered outdoor with a retractable awning, air conditioning and furnace.  We used our RV in the summer and in cooler weather, but it was not outfitted to be usable in the winter.  Living in our trailer was a learning experience, as we had to adjust what we packed and what we felt was important to have.  Ultimately, we were quite comfortable, and did not have "space" issues while living in the cozy quarters.  However, upgrading to the 28ft trailer with the slide out was more comfortable, as we had a bit more elbow room in the great room area.  We had suitable interior and exterior storage space for equipment, clothing and personal items.  Designers make creative use of space, and we were creative in how we used that space.  With downsizing, you learn to be minimalist, having what you need, but carefully considering what you "really" need.  There's a learning curve for those who chronically over pack.

Tiny Home living is a different lifestyle and not for everyone.  However,  I think Tiny Homes is entirely doable, if you can bring yourself to let go of excess in living, learn to be efficient and find pleasure and joy in other things besides having a large home.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/style/home-squeezed-home-living-in-a-200-square-foot-space/2012/11/27/e1a02858-2f35-11e2-ac4a-33b8b41fb531_story.html

http://www.usatoday.com/story/money/personalfinance/2014/08/30/tiny-homes-living/14052371/

http://thetinylife.com/what-is-the-tiny-house-movement/

http://www.countryliving.com/homes/real-estate/tiny-house#slide-1

http://affordablehousingdesigns.com/companies/





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Free Food Samples - It's More Than Just Eating For Free

10/4/2014

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image credit: theatlantic.com
I suspect that just about everyone has tried a free food sample at one time or another.  If you are a Costco shopper, you definitely know about the free food samples that are offered in the store.  You could almost come in hungry and leave having eaten from all the food groups!   People love "free", people love "food" so why wouldn't people love "free food"?? What you may not be thinking about as you are munching away, is the retailer's use of marketing strategies behind free sample advertising.  Retailers use sampling for financial as well as behavioral reasons.  Evidence shows that samples can boost sales, sometimes significantly and they can also sway people to begin buying things they never would have purchased otherwise.

Costco is probably one of the most well known retailers employing free sample marketing strategies.  It is a well known practice, even encouraged on blogs, to cruise the sample stations for a "free lunch".  There is evidence that free sampling opportunities not only help consumers learn more about products, it also make the retail environment more appealing.  Costco itself does not manage the sample stations.  A product demonstration company is responsible for staffing the sample tables.

Behavioral economists state that getting something for free creates a strong feeling of obligation to do something back.  (ie. buy the product you just sampled).  Free samples can also make forgotten cravings become more evident to the consumer, causing the consumer to feel compelled to act on the craving. One interesting fact from sampling research showed that it is important for the demo table to be staffed (vs. self serve).  A heightened awareness of the presence of others increases the "social pressure" to make a post-sample purchase.

In addition, the prepared food departments in stores for eat in and carry out, including the "cafe" at Costco, are designed to make the store a destination for eating a meal.  Once in the store, there is a greater  likelihood of the consumer buying additional products while at the store.  At the very least, eating a meal at the store increases the positive experience of the customer, making it more likely that they will return to the establishment at a later date.

You can read more details about free sample marketing strategy by visiting the links below.

http://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2014/10/the-psychology-behind-costcos-free-samples/380969/

http://www.marketingweek.co.uk/trends/offering-a-bit-more-than-a-free-sample/4001841.article

http://business.time.com/2011/02/17/the-power-of-freebies-why-companies-pay-to-give-free-samples-to-supermarket-customers/




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The Depth Of Love - For Better, For Worse

9/17/2014

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Pictureimage credit: thecaregiversvoice.com
I ran across this video today, and its powerful message struck me.  We live in a world filled with so much self centered and self important thinking and behaviors.  Social networking, selfies, advertising, merchandising, changes in social/cultural standards and the prevalence of "all about me" thinking  seems to reinforce this pattern.  Examples of the decline of humanity are evident every day, as witnessed in our daily lives and in the news.  For example: murder, abuse, theft, road rage and the general rudeness, lack of respect for others.   Sadly, compassionate stories such as this one are but a small percentage of daily news messaging.

So many families are dealing with crisis of various types.  This particular video involves a couple, with a loved one with Alzheimer's Disease.  Many families, including my own, are caring for loved one with this disease.  It is very difficult to deal with.  It is very draining and disheartening to see vibrant people slip away before your very eyes.  Alzheimers Disease is just one of many different maladies that can affect families.  Regardless of the cause, the impact the disease has on the family as well as the person with the disease is very similar.

The messaging in this video is not so much about having and living with Alzheimer's Disease.  It is more about the strength and depth of love of this couple has.  It is worth watching to see the best of humanity.  Everyone has their limits in what they are actually able to provide a loved one, but that is not the point here.   The solid, loving foundation of their relationship is the rock they stand on.  Regardless of whether the care is provided by family at home or if the loved one is placed in outside care, it is the commitment, support and love expressed by individuals to each other that is important.

Below are the links to the story of Bill and Glad.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GH5n9lVZcM4

http://www.youtube.com/watch?annotation_id=annotation_201504&feature=iv&src_vid=GH5n9lVZcM4&v=LeBH4ELAiKw


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Mealtime Evolution - An Interesting Look At Our Dinner Habits

9/15/2014

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image credit: http://d.lib.ncsu.edu
I know that my family's lifestyle made it very difficult to have dinner as a family.  My husband and I worked opposite shifts, so family dinners were not possible during the week.  Later, as the children grew older and became involved in outside activities, having dinner together with them during the week was also a challenge to schedule.  One thing I always tried to do was have one family dinner a week, usually on the weekend.  This was a time when all of us gathered at the table to eat (often a homemade meal and sometimes carry out) and most importantly - connect as a family.  No TV or other distractions.  Everyone had a chance to share their week and most importantly, listen to what each person had to say.

A recent article about dinner habits and customs caught my eye recently, so I decided to do a bit more research into to subject.  What I found was rather enlightening (to me at least), so I thought I would share here. 

There is a great deal of variation these days, as to when people eat dinner and
how they eat dinner!  It wasn't always that way.

An article from History Magazine, first published in 2001, takes a historical look at the evolution of "mealtime".  Here are a few points from the article.

The names of meals and general times they were eaten were once fairly standard.  Going back to medieval times, "breakfast" was first thing in the morning, "dinner" was midday, and "supper" was not long before going to bed (usually around sundown).  Our modern variations (some say confusion) came about from changing social customs and classes, political and economic developments and the influence of technology.

The main meal of the day in the past was "dinner", eaten midday.  This was tradition of the wealthy and well to do.  Those lower in the social order, considered middle class,  had to eat later in the day, because their lives were driven by work vs. rituals.
  They would eat in the early afternoon and return to their shops and businesses to meet afternoon customers. Their meals were less lavish affairs, but still substantial.

Those at the low end of social order, the peasants, took a break from work and had dinner around noon. 
They usually had less to eat than the more well to do, and consumed much less variety.

Eating a main meal midday was influenced out of necessity.  Living habits back then were managed by the availability of "light". 
Artificial lighting provided by candles and oil lamps was a costly luxury, requiring the less wealthy to retire "early" when darkness arrived.  Supper was a light meal, usually consumed before the sun disappeared for the day.  This pattern continued for centuries. 

Capitalism, colonialism and the industrial revolution changed the world's economy.  Many people had more money to spend.
More goods became available to more people, including access to artificial lighting.  Living habits began changing because they were no longer tied to the cycle of sun up and sun down.  People stayed up later and woke up later in the day.  Work habits began changing too, with people working farther from home, taking a "sack lunch" to work and the midday meal became lighter fare.  The main meal was pushed to later in the day, after work hours and people would eat their main meal at home.

English immigrants coming to North America
brought their habits with them, gradually changing over time, but at a slower pace than Britain.  In our current century, dinner is eaten any time between noon and midnight.  Mealtimes are now very fluid and changing, reflecting the flexible lifestyles of people. 

A Cornell University article looks at family mealtimes and whether eating meals as a family makes a difference. 
Research continues to look at the effects of shared family meals, but evidence to date suggests that family meals do provide benefits for children and youth.  Researchers recommend the following to improve family mealtime:

  1. Set a goal to have regular family meals at least three times per week.
  2. Remember the benefits of consistent family mealtimes (generates feeling of closeness and comfort)
  3. Quality of family meals is just as important as quantity. (guard mealtimes from outside distractions to help communication)

Lastly, and what originally prompted my interest in this subject, is a photo study called Dinner in NY.  Miho Aikawa's idea for this project was to propose what dinner is to people, how different it can be for everyone, and to present the diversity found in this everyday act.  On his website, Aikawa stated "A study in Public Health Nutrition which compiles data relating to Americans food-related time use over the past 30 years reveals some interesting trends: Eating as a primary activity declined in the past 30 years.  On the other hand, eating as a secondary activity rose dramatically in the past 30 years.  When we combine the primary and secondary eating time, we see that we're spending an average of 25 or more minutes in total daily than we did 30 years ago.  We now do almost 50 percent of our eating food consumption while concentrating on something else."  (my comment-makes me wonder about the obesity problems and the fact that we are not totally focused on what or how much we are eating?)  Visit his link below and take a look at his photo study, it's rather revealing.

http://www.history-magazine.com/dinner2.html

http://www.human.cornell.edu/pam/outreach/upload/Family-Mealtimes-2.pdf


http://www.mihophoto.com/projects/dinnerinny/
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"Village" Memories & Asking "Where Did The Time Go?"

9/8/2014

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This past weekend, I attended the wedding of my youngest son's best friend.  Attending weddings of family, friends and acquaintances can be a pretty routine thing.  Of course, all weddings are truly "individual" as they are designed by the bride and groom. But the event itself, marking the witnessing and celebration of a loving couple becoming united as one, is universal in concept.  I attended this wedding with excitement, because I've known the groom since he was in grade school and my son, his best friend since childhood, was serving as Best Man.  As the evening ended, I became profoundly aware of the other deeper connections that were in evidence that night.

My children were raised in a great neighborhood.  Their school was nearby and there were many other children (mostly boys) living in the area. 
They all formed close friendships that are sustained even to this day.   The neighboring families all knew each other, with the common connection being our children.  Those boys were never without a "mom" watching over them.  With our houses scattered within close proximity, the "mom network" was always at work with "eyes on the guys" regardless of where they were hanging out.  Yes, they did play video games to some extent, but unlike what seems to be happening to children these days, they were still of a generation that disappeared into the neighborhood and found ways to entertain themselves in the outdoors.

Those boys would gather year round to play.  At the wedding, we (their parents), shared stories and memories about all of "our boys".  Yes, we had collective "ownership" of them all.  They spent many hours on Rollerblades, playing street hockey on the dead end street. 
They went sledding on the hill located at the school next door, and built snow forts in the snow piles dumped by snow plows.   In the fall, they played in leaf piles collected from the many trees, tossed around their football, and traveled in a "pack" for annual trick or treating on Halloween.  In the summer heat, they filled their massive Supersoakers and chased each other for hours. They played at the "big toy", the large wooden play scape at the school next door. They traveled on vacation with each others families.  Enter middle school.  They rode in carpools together and they played school sports together.  I vividly remember driving home a car filled with sweaty, smelly young guys, fresh from practice on the football field.  We parents would sit together at games cheering wins and lamenting losses. The boys dabbled in movie production, creating and appearing in funny video stories. They experimented with music, writing songs, singing and playing their instruments.  They even created a modest CD that they sold to friends at school (they charged so little, they basically gave them away).  They all learned to drive at the same time, and we parents all fretted together.  Homecoming, prom and other social activities...were all shared experiences bound by their friendships.  Only when attending college, did their physical bonds become separated by distance.  But social networking and texting connected them still.  They made trips they to each others schools, to visit and watch football together. 

Now, the "village boys"  have all finished their studies, and are moving into the work world to make their way and embrace the next stage of their lives. Their bonds endure and they are moving forward "together" as friends.

It was a wonderful night of happiness watching the little boy I knew all grown up stepping into the next phase of life with his new wife.  Yet I still could not erase the image of a mischievous little boy I remembered, from my mind.   The "village" was there to witness the event.  One of the special moments of the evening was near the end.  As the festivities concluded, I noticed most of the guests had already said their goodbyes and departed.  Yet who remained?  The neighbors.  Parents of our "village boys".  Everyone of us lingering, reminiscing and shaking our heads and asking "Where did the time go?"


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Babysitting Grandchildren & Alzheimer's Disease

8/31/2014

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image credit: alzheimersweekly.com
I don't have grandchildren yet, but maybe you do. Parenting is a hard job.  Some say that the reward of parenting is becoming a grandparent where you can "enjoy" children without all the hard work.  You can spoil your grand kids and then give them back to their parents and let them to do the hard job of day to day child rearing.  I know my two children loved spending time with grandparents.  I am sure they were doted on and spoiled while in their care!

I recently saw this item on the news and it caught my eye.  We have a history of dementia and Alzheimer's Disease in our families.  I've been doing a great deal of reading about what you can do now to help prevent dementia.  It is reported that adopting certain behaviors and activities in your life can help delay and even deter development of Alzheimer's Disease.  Common thinking is that if you are destined to get Alzheimer's Disease, there is nothing you can do to stop it.  While that might be true for a percentage of Alzheimer's cases, there is evidence that supports the fact that you can adopt lifestyles and behaviors that will help keep you from developing Alzheimer's or at the very least, delay it.  That will be a topic of a future Musing that everyone should read if you want to be proactive about this disease.

Today's Musing presents a recent study about how caring for grandchildren can lower the likelihood of developing disorders affecting memory or cognitive ability.  Being socially engaged is one preventative strategy that is suggested for avoiding dementia and Alzheimer's. A 2011 study completed by Rush University Medical Center in Chicago found that seniors who stay most socially engaged show less cognitive decline on testing.

The Women's Healthy Aging Project in Australia published results online in Menopause, the journal of The North American Menopause Society (NAMS). This study looked at 186 women ages 57 to 68. 120 were grandmothers.  The participants completed 3 mental assessment tests that measured cognitive abilities.  Findings suggested that taking care of grand kids one day a week helped keep grandmothers mentally sharp.  Ironically, the study also found that caring for grandchildren five days a week or more could actually have some negative effects.  Those grandmothers demonstrated poorer performances on mental sharpness tests.  The grandmothers caring for their grandchildren one day a week performed best on two of three tests.  Those spending five days a week or more did noticeably worse on the test that measures working memory and mental processing speed.

This was an unexpected finding.  Researchers also found that with increasing time spent caring for grandchildren, grandmothers reported that they felt their own children were more demanding of them.  It's possible that these feelings of being stressed out from the responsibilities of child rearing as well as being stretched too thin to make time for themselves could lead to some decline in the brain's performance.  Other studies already exist showing that women who experience even mild forms of emotional or situational stress take longer to remember recently acquired information. Naturally, follow up research is being conducted.

What if your grandchildren live very far away?  Technology can help bridge that gap.  A 2014 Pew Research Internet Project reported that 46% of seniors who use the Internet visit social media sites.  Doing this promotes stronger and more consistent connections with their loved ones.  The added benefits of options like Skype and FaceTime, where you are able to see people you are talking to, strengthens the quality of technological social engagement.

Those with no grandchildren to care for have options too!  There is no reason your social involvement has to be centered around relatives or children.  Volunteering, becoming involved in church activities, taking classes, frequenting a local senior center or
regularly socializing with friends can have the same beneficial impact on your brain function, and enhance feelings of happiness.

What do I take away from this?  One key to promoting cognitive health seems to be maintaining an active social connection with family, friends and community that is
not stressful or demanding.

http://www.alzheimersweekly.com/2014/04/a-grandchild-for-one-day-keeps-dementia.html

http://jonbarron.org/alzheimers-and-dementia/grandkids-boost-brain#.VAKsVmOx3tQ
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Economizing - Help Your Budget Without Really "Suffering"

8/28/2014

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I retired a few years ago, and with the resulting change in income,  I'm all about learning how to economize. Economizing means using personal and family resources where they will do the most good. You use what you have to get what you need or want.  Strategies you might use include:  substituting, conserving, utilizing, cooperating and finding free goods and services.  (source: PennState)

Believe it or not,  economizing not that hard to do and it doesn't necessarily mean you have to live a spartan life and be miserable because you are doing "without".  Simply changing habits, re-prioritizing and learning to be a wise consumer will make a big difference in your budget.  Yet, you can still be happy.

It's pretty obvious that w
e have become very used to convenience and getting things "fast".  People are very busy, time is "limited" and we try to pack as much as possible into our day.  We have also been subjects of very clever marketing and advertising strategies that are based on science and human behavior research that takes advantage of our habits and facilitates decisions we make.  (This was a topic of an earlier Musing - Power of Habit.) Generational changes have also created a mindset of "I deserve it ", "I'm worth it." and "I want it now.".  (That topic was discussed in an earlier Musing - Generation Me.)  Consumers also tend to very wasteful.  We discard functional items just because we want the newest, latest and greatest.  We have a tendency to overbuy, impulse buy, and practice daily living habits that lead to waste.  (ie. An easy way to save water and money is the subject of an earlier Musing) 

Living On a Dime website (link appears below) offers great ideas in a variety of areas that you can choose from and incorporate into your lifestyle.  Some of their ideas are very easy, and some require more effort and commitment. 
What works for you may not work for someone else.

Food and groceries consume a large part of our budget.  Learning to economize in this area can make a significant impact on your budget and life!  Here are some ideas from Living on a Dime that I have found make a difference for us.

1.  Control trips you make to the store.


I found this habit change was very significant.  Naturally, by doing this, you will be saving money on gas AND you will be saving your TIME, which is valuable too!  Just being present in a store increases the likelihood you will make purchases, and most importantly, make unplanned purchases.  Limit your trips by planning, and grocery shopping less often.  A great idea is to eliminate going for one week (and if you must go to get bread or milk, STICK to your list, grab those couple of items and leave before you end up loading your cart with unplanned purchases).  Make an effort to plan meals with what you already have in your pantry vs. running out to get what you need.  I try to have a pantry/freezer day at least once a week, using only what I already have on hand.  You can be creative!  You will use your food pantry items that might end up being forgotten about and ultimately being tossed in the trash.  Our family even practices a tradition we call "backwards day".  Eating together as a family for a traditional breakfast is a rare occasion for us.  Every so often, I will have "backwards day" and serve breakfast for dinner!  This helps me to use things from the freezer (sausages, bacon) and pantry (ingredients for pancakes, waffles or french toast) and even eggs (I don't know about you, but I sometimes end up with an overabundance of eggs that I bought on sale). 

2.  Be flexible and learn to substitute.

Find out that you don't have what you "need" to make a meal?  Sometimes it is tempting to just run out and pick up the missing item from the store.  (see #1).  Often you can simply substitute an item
to make things work!  Yesterday, we had pulled pork for dinner and I had planned to use hamburger buns (in my case, homemade) to make sandwiches.  However, I had a "failure" and my buns didn't turn out as planned.  Did I run out to pick up buns?  Nope! We went to Plan B.  I had flour tortillas in the fridge, so we simply had pulled pork wraps vs. pulled pork on a bun.  This substitution worked out just fine and I saved a trip to the store.

3.  Shop sales, take advantage of coupons and try generic brands.

This idea has been around a long time.  One excuse for not using coupons is "I don't have time".  Things have changed and many stores are promoting the convenient use of e-coupons.  You have savings available straight from your smart phone!  Don't forget to visit websites of favorite products.  They often have printable coupons available!  Store sales fliers are now on line too.  Many times, generic brands can be substituted for brand names
.  Give them a try and find out which ones you and your family likes.  There can be significant savings by simply switching to generics.

4.  If shopping warehouse stores-exercise good judgement.

Warehouse stores are very popular avenues to "save money".  They really do offer great prices, but not on everything.  Sometimes, when using coupons and sales, you can actually get items cheaper at your local store.  Warehouse stores have packaging that requires you to buy in bulk/large quantity. 
One great idea is to split your bulk purchases with others.  You will share in the savings and end up not throwing  away money OR product! If you can't use that amount of product in a reasonable time, you may not be saving money at all.  In addition, the ever changing inventory in warehouse stores also encourages shoppers to "browse" to see what's new.  Fun to do, but dangerous as you will most likely come home with unplanned, impulse purchases!  Make sure you shop with a list, don't be tempted to overbuy in large quantity, which may result in waste and be sure to put some thought into that impulse buy item you have put in your cart.  Evaluate whether you really need the item, or is it simply the "great bargain" that's driving your purchase. 

Pennsylvania State University has a great document about economizing and cutting corners. (link appears below).  It has over 100 GREAT ideas you may want to take advantage of depending on your circumstances and personal situation.  Here is a synopsis of their general strategies.

1. Substitute

Substitute less costly for more costly resources.  Develop a habit of thinking "What can be substituted that would do the job for less money?"

2.  Conserve

Avoid waste.  Develop a habit of thinking "How can we make all items last?  How can we use it more efficiently?"  (example- see my Musing about Saving Water and Money)

3.  Utilize

F
ind new uses for resources your already have.  Develop a habit of thinking "What are the talents, time or other resources we have that could be put to new, more productive use?"

4.  Cooperate

Resources can be multiplied when you cooperate with others. Think: "How could I or other family members share time or talent with others to stretch our resources?"

5.  Find Free Community Resources

Personal or family resources can be greatly enhanced through use of community resources.  Think" "How can we use and support public services for family welfare, education, health and recreation?"  (easy examples include: using your public library, community parks and recreation programs, and visiting free concerts and fairs.)

http://www.livingonadime.com/saving-on-groceries-make-do/

http://osceola.ifas.ufl.edu/pdfs/FCS_HF/cuttingcosts.pdf
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