I ran across this video today, and its powerful message struck me.  We live in a world filled with so much self centered and self important thinking and behaviors.  Social networking, selfies, advertising, merchandising, changes in social/cultural standards and the prevalence of "all about me" thinking  seems to reinforce this pattern.  Examples of the decline of humanity are evident every day, as witnessed in our daily lives and in the news.  For example: murder, abuse, theft, road rage and the general rudeness, lack of respect for others.   Sadly, compassionate stories such as this one are but a small percentage of daily news messaging.

So many families are dealing with crisis of various types.  This particular video involves a couple, with a loved one with Alzheimer's Disease.  Many families, including my own, are caring for loved one with this disease.  It is very difficult to deal with.  It is very draining and disheartening to see vibrant people slip away before your very eyes.  Alzheimers Disease is just one of many different maladies that can affect families.  Regardless of the cause, the impact the disease has on the family as well as the person with the disease is very similar.

The messaging in this video is not so much about having and living with Alzheimer's Disease.  It is more about the strength and depth of love of this couple has.  It is worth watching to see the best of humanity.  Everyone has their limits in what they are actually able to provide a loved one, but that is not the point here.   The solid, loving foundation of their relationship is the rock they stand on.  Regardless of whether the care is provided by family at home or if the loved one is placed in outside care, it is the commitment, support and love expressed by individuals to each other that is important.

Below are the links to the story of Bill and Glad.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GH5n9lVZcM4

http://www.youtube.com/watch?annotation_id=annotation_201504&feature=iv&src_vid=GH5n9lVZcM4&v=LeBH4ELAiKw

I know that my family's lifestyle made it very difficult to have dinner as a family.  My husband and I worked opposite shifts, so family dinners were not possible during the week.  Later, as the children grew older and became involved in outside activities, having dinner together with them during the week was also a challenge to schedule.  One thing I always tried to do was have one family dinner a week, usually on the weekend.  This was a time when all of us gathered at the table to eat (often a homemade meal and sometimes carry out) and most importantly - connect as a family.  No TV or other distractions.  Everyone had a chance to share their week and most importantly, listen to what each person had to say.

A recent article about dinner habits and customs caught my eye recently, so I decided to do a bit more research into to subject.  What I found was rather enlightening (to me at least), so I thought I would share here. 

There is a great deal of variation these days, as to when people eat dinner and how they eat dinner!  It wasn't always that way.

An article from History Magazine, first published in 2001, takes a historical look at the evolution of "mealtime".  Here are a few points from the article.

The names of meals and general times they were eaten were once fairly standard.  Going back to medieval times, "breakfast" was first thing in the morning, "dinner" was midday, and "supper" was not long before going to bed (usually around sundown).  Our modern variations (some say confusion) came about from changing social customs and classes, political and economic developments and the influence of technology.

The main meal of the day in the past was "dinner", eaten midday.  This was tradition of the wealthy and well to do.  Those lower in the social order, considered middle class,  had to eat later in the day, because their lives were driven by work vs. rituals.  They would eat in the early afternoon and return to their shops and businesses to meet afternoon customers. Their meals were less lavish affairs, but still substantial.

Those at the low end of social order, the peasants, took a break from work and had dinner around noon.  They usually had less to eat than the more well to do, and consumed much less variety.

Eating a main meal midday was influenced out of necessity.  Living habits back then were managed by the availability of "light".  Artificial lighting provided by candles and oil lamps was a costly luxury, requiring the less wealthy to retire "early" when darkness arrived.  Supper was a light meal, usually consumed before the sun disappeared for the day.  This pattern continued for centuries. 

Capitalism, colonialism and the industrial revolution changed the world's economy.  Many people had more money to spend. More goods became available to more people, including access to artificial lighting.  Living habits began changing because they were no longer tied to the cycle of sun up and sun down.  People stayed up later and woke up later in the day.  Work habits began changing too, with people working farther from home, taking a "sack lunch" to work and the midday meal became lighter fare.  The main meal was pushed to later in the day, after work hours and people would eat their main meal at home.

English immigrants coming to North America brought their habits with them, gradually changing over time, but at a slower pace than Britain.  In our current century, dinner is eaten any time between noon and midnight.  Mealtimes are now very fluid and changing, reflecting the flexible lifestyles of people. 

A Cornell University article looks at family mealtimes and whether eating meals as a family makes a difference.  Research continues to look at the effects of shared family meals, but evidence to date suggests that family meals do provide benefits for children and youth.  Researchers recommend the following to improve family mealtime:

1. Set a goal to have regular family meals at least three times per week.
2. Remember the benefits of consistent family mealtimes (generates feeling of closeness and comfort)
3. Quality of family meals is just as important as quantity. (guard mealtimes from outside distractions to help communication)

Lastly, and what originally prompted my interest in this subject, is a photo study called Dinner in NY.  Miho Aikawa's idea for this project was to propose what dinner is to people, how different it can be for everyone, and to present the diversity found in this everyday act.  On his website, Aikawa stated "A study in Public Health Nutrition which compiles data relating to Americans food-related time use over the past 30 years reveals some interesting trends: Eating as a primary activity declined in the past 30 years.  On the other hand, eating as a secondary activity rose dramatically in the past 30 years.  When we combine the primary and secondary eating time, we see that we're spending an average of 25 or more minutes in total daily than we did 30 years ago.  We now do almost 50 percent of our eating food consumption while concentrating on something else."  (my comment-makes me wonder about the obesity problems and the fact that we are not totally focused on what or how much we are eating?)  Visit his link below and take a look at his photo study, it's rather revealing.

http://www.history-magazine.com/dinner2.html

http://www.human.cornell.edu/pam/outreach/upload/Family-Mealtimes-2.pdf

http://www.mihophoto.com/projects/dinnerinny/

This past weekend, I attended the wedding of my youngest son's best friend.  Attending weddings of family, friends and acquaintances can be a pretty routine thing.  Of course, all weddings are truly "individual" as they are designed by the bride and groom. But the event itself, marking the witnessing and celebration of a loving couple becoming united as one, is universal in concept.  I attended this wedding with excitement, because I've known the groom since he was in grade school and my son, his best friend since childhood, was serving as Best Man.  As the evening ended, I became profoundly aware of the other deeper connections that were in evidence that night.

My children were raised in a great neighborhood.  Their school was nearby and there were many other children (mostly boys) living in the area.  They all formed close friendships that are sustained even to this day.   The neighboring families all knew each other, with the common connection being our children.  Those boys were never without a "mom" watching over them.  With our houses scattered within close proximity, the "mom network" was always at work with "eyes on the guys" regardless of where they were hanging out.  Yes, they did play video games to some extent, but unlike what seems to be happening to children these days, they were still of a generation that disappeared into the neighborhood and found ways to entertain themselves in the outdoors.

Those boys would gather year round to play.  At the wedding, we (their parents), shared stories and memories about all of "our boys".  Yes, we had collective "ownership" of them all.  They spent many hours on Rollerblades, playing street hockey on the dead end street.  They went sledding on the hill located at the school next door, and built snow forts in the snow piles dumped by snow plows.   In the fall, they played in leaf piles collected from the many trees, tossed around their football, and traveled in a "pack" for annual trick or treating on Halloween.  In the summer heat, they filled their massive Supersoakers and chased each other for hours. They played at the "big toy", the large wooden play scape at the school next door. They traveled on vacation with each others families.  Enter middle school.  They rode in carpools together and they played school sports together.  I vividly remember driving home a car filled with sweaty, smelly young guys, fresh from practice on the football field.  We parents would sit together at games cheering wins and lamenting losses. The boys dabbled in movie production, creating and appearing in funny video stories. They experimented with music, writing songs, singing and playing their instruments.  They even created a modest CD that they sold to friends at school (they charged so little, they basically gave them away).  They all learned to drive at the same time, and we parents all fretted together.  Homecoming, prom and other social activities...were all shared experiences bound by their friendships.  Only when attending college, did their physical bonds become separated by distance.  But social networking and texting connected them still.  They made trips they to each others schools, to visit and watch football together. 

Now, the "village boys"  have all finished their studies, and are moving into the work world to make their way and embrace the next stage of their lives. Their bonds endure and they are moving forward "together" as friends.

It was a wonderful night of happiness watching the little boy I knew all grown up stepping into the next phase of life with his new wife.  Yet I still could not erase the image of a mischievous little boy I remembered, from my mind.   The "village" was there to witness the event.  One of the special moments of the evening was near the end.  As the festivities concluded, I noticed most of the guests had already said their goodbyes and departed.  Yet who remained?  The neighbors.  Parents of our "village boys".  Everyone of us lingering, reminiscing and shaking our heads and asking "Where did the time go?"

I don't have grandchildren yet, but maybe you do. Parenting is a hard job.  Some say that the reward of parenting is becoming a grandparent where you can "enjoy" children without all the hard work.  You can spoil your grand kids and then give them back to their parents and let them to do the hard job of day to day child rearing.  I know my two children loved spending time with grandparents.  I am sure they were doted on and spoiled while in their care!

I recently saw this item on the news and it caught my eye.  We have a history of dementia and Alzheimer's Disease in our families.  I've been doing a great deal of reading about what you can do now to help prevent dementia.  It is reported that adopting certain behaviors and activities in your life can help delay and even deter development of Alzheimer's Disease.  Common thinking is that if you are destined to get Alzheimer's Disease, there is nothing you can do to stop it.  While that might be true for a percentage of Alzheimer's cases, there is evidence that supports the fact that you can adopt lifestyles and behaviors that will help keep you from developing Alzheimer's or at the very least, delay it.  That will be a topic of a future Musing that everyone should read if you want to be proactive about this disease.

Today's Musing presents a recent study about how caring for grandchildren can lower the likelihood of developing disorders affecting memory or cognitive ability.  Being socially engaged is one preventative strategy that is suggested for avoiding dementia and Alzheimer's. A 2011 study completed by Rush University Medical Center in Chicago found that seniors who stay most socially engaged show less cognitive decline on testing.

The Women's Healthy Aging Project in Australia published results online in Menopause, the journal of The North American Menopause Society (NAMS). This study looked at 186 women ages 57 to 68. 120 were grandmothers.  The participants completed 3 mental assessment tests that measured cognitive abilities.  Findings suggested that taking care of grand kids one day a week helped keep grandmothers mentally sharp.  Ironically, the study also found that caring for grandchildren five days a week or more could actually have some negative effects.  Those grandmothers demonstrated poorer performances on mental sharpness tests.  The grandmothers caring for their grandchildren one day a week performed best on two of three tests.  Those spending five days a week or more did noticeably worse on the test that measures working memory and mental processing speed.

This was an unexpected finding.  Researchers also found that with increasing time spent caring for grandchildren, grandmothers reported that they felt their own children were more demanding of them.  It's possible that these feelings of being stressed out from the responsibilities of child rearing as well as being stretched too thin to make time for themselves could lead to some decline in the brain's performance.  Other studies already exist showing that women who experience even mild forms of emotional or situational stress take longer to remember recently acquired information. Naturally, follow up research is being conducted.

What if your grandchildren live very far away?  Technology can help bridge that gap.  A 2014 Pew Research Internet Project reported that 46% of seniors who use the Internet visit social media sites.  Doing this promotes stronger and more consistent connections with their loved ones.  The added benefits of options like Skype and FaceTime, where you are able to see people you are talking to, strengthens the quality of technological social engagement.

Those with no grandchildren to care for have options too!  There is no reason your social involvement has to be centered around relatives or children.  Volunteering, becoming involved in church activities, taking classes, frequenting a local senior center or regularly socializing with friends can have the same beneficial impact on your brain function, and enhance feelings of happiness.

What do I take away from this?  One key to promoting cognitive health seems to be maintaining an active social connection with family, friends and community that is not stressful or demanding.

http://www.alzheimersweekly.com/2014/04/a-grandchild-for-one-day-keeps-dementia.html

http://jonbarron.org/alzheimers-and-dementia/grandkids-boost-brain#.VAKsVmOx3tQ

I retired a few years ago, and with the resulting change in income,  I'm all about learning how to economize. Economizing means using personal and family resources where they will do the most good. You use what you have to get what you need or want.  Strategies you might use include:  substituting, conserving, utilizing, cooperating and finding free goods and services.  (source: PennState)

Believe it or not,  economizing not that hard to do and it doesn't necessarily mean you have to live a spartan life and be miserable because you are doing "without".  Simply changing habits, re-prioritizing and learning to be a wise consumer will make a big difference in your budget.  Yet, you can still be happy.

It's pretty obvious that we have become very used to convenience and getting things "fast".  People are very busy, time is "limited" and we try to pack as much as possible into our day.  We have also been subjects of very clever marketing and advertising strategies that are based on science and human behavior research that takes advantage of our habits and facilitates decisions we make.  (This was a topic of an earlier Musing - Power of Habit.) Generational changes have also created a mindset of "I deserve it ", "I'm worth it." and "I want it now.".  (That topic was discussed in an earlier Musing - Generation Me.)  Consumers also tend to very wasteful.  We discard functional items just because we want the newest, latest and greatest.  We have a tendency to overbuy, impulse buy, and practice daily living habits that lead to waste.  (ie. An easy way to save water and money is the subject of an earlier Musing) 

Living On a Dime website (link appears below) offers great ideas in a variety of areas that you can choose from and incorporate into your lifestyle.  Some of their ideas are very easy, and some require more effort and commitment.  What works for you may not work for someone else.

Food and groceries consume a large part of our budget.  Learning to economize in this area can make a significant impact on your budget and life!  Here are some ideas from Living on a Dime that I have found make a difference for us.

1.  Control trips you make to the store.

I found this habit change was very significant.  Naturally, by doing this, you will be saving money on gas AND you will be saving your TIME, which is valuable too!  Just being present in a store increases the likelihood you will make purchases, and most importantly, make unplanned purchases.  Limit your trips by planning, and grocery shopping less often.  A great idea is to eliminate going for one week (and if you must go to get bread or milk, STICK to your list, grab those couple of items and leave before you end up loading your cart with unplanned purchases).  Make an effort to plan meals with what you already have in your pantry vs. running out to get what you need.  I try to have a pantry/freezer day at least once a week, using only what I already have on hand.  You can be creative!  You will use your food pantry items that might end up being forgotten about and ultimately being tossed in the trash.  Our family even practices a tradition we call "backwards day".  Eating together as a family for a traditional breakfast is a rare occasion for us.  Every so often, I will have "backwards day" and serve breakfast for dinner!  This helps me to use things from the freezer (sausages, bacon) and pantry (ingredients for pancakes, waffles or french toast) and even eggs (I don't know about you, but I sometimes end up with an overabundance of eggs that I bought on sale). 

2.  Be flexible and learn to substitute.

Find out that you don't have what you "need" to make a meal?  Sometimes it is tempting to just run out and pick up the missing item from the store.  (see #1).  Often you can simply substitute an item to make things work!  Yesterday, we had pulled pork for dinner and I had planned to use hamburger buns (in my case, homemade) to make sandwiches.  However, I had a "failure" and my buns didn't turn out as planned.  Did I run out to pick up buns?  Nope! We went to Plan B.  I had flour tortillas in the fridge, so we simply had pulled pork wraps vs. pulled pork on a bun.  This substitution worked out just fine and I saved a trip to the store.

3.  Shop sales, take advantage of coupons and try generic brands.

This idea has been around a long time.  One excuse for not using coupons is "I don't have time".  Things have changed and many stores are promoting the convenient use of e-coupons.  You have savings available straight from your smart phone!  Don't forget to visit websites of favorite products.  They often have printable coupons available!  Store sales fliers are now on line too.  Many times, generic brands can be substituted for brand names.  Give them a try and find out which ones you and your family likes.  There can be significant savings by simply switching to generics.

4.  If shopping warehouse stores-exercise good judgement.

Warehouse stores are very popular avenues to "save money".  They really do offer great prices, but not on everything.  Sometimes, when using coupons and sales, you can actually get items cheaper at your local store.  Warehouse stores have packaging that requires you to buy in bulk/large quantity.  One great idea is to split your bulk purchases with others.  You will share in the savings and end up not throwing  away money OR product! If you can't use that amount of product in a reasonable time, you may not be saving money at all.  In addition, the ever changing inventory in warehouse stores also encourages shoppers to "browse" to see what's new.  Fun to do, but dangerous as you will most likely come home with unplanned, impulse purchases!  Make sure you shop with a list, don't be tempted to overbuy in large quantity, which may result in waste and be sure to put some thought into that impulse buy item you have put in your cart.  Evaluate whether you really need the item, or is it simply the "great bargain" that's driving your purchase. 

Pennsylvania State University has a great document about economizing and cutting corners. (link appears below).  It has over 100 GREAT ideas you may want to take advantage of depending on your circumstances and personal situation.  Here is a synopsis of their general strategies.

1. Substitute

Substitute less costly for more costly resources.  Develop a habit of thinking "What can be substituted that would do the job for less money?"

2.  Conserve

Avoid waste.  Develop a habit of thinking "How can we make all items last?  How can we use it more efficiently?"  (example- see my Musing about Saving Water and Money)

3.  Utilize

Find new uses for resources your already have.  Develop a habit of thinking "What are the talents, time or other resources we have that could be put to new, more productive use?"

4.  Cooperate

Resources can be multiplied when you cooperate with others. Think: "How could I or other family members share time or talent with others to stretch our resources?"

5.  Find Free Community Resources

Personal or family resources can be greatly enhanced through use of community resources.  Think" "How can we use and support public services for family welfare, education, health and recreation?"  (easy examples include: using your public library, community parks and recreation programs, and visiting free concerts and fairs.)

http://www.livingonadime.com/saving-on-groceries-make-do/

http://osceola.ifas.ufl.edu/pdfs/FCS_HF/cuttingcosts.pdf